Hi, my name is Josh.
I made a mistake.
Yesterday mid-morning, I recognized my error.
Certainly not the best Monday.
A tough pill to swallow.
A pill I wasn't ready to swallow.
How could this happen?
Not sure, but it did.
I felt helpless.
My heart pounded.
I panicked.
My hands became moist.
I crafted a story.
A story of what those affected by my error were feeling.
Was my story true?
Not sure, but it felt real.
I pride myself on not dropping the ball.
I clearly dropped it.
I should be punished.
I magnified my error.
Some time passed.
I had held myself accountable.
I moved forward.
It's an interesting internal conversation when we feel the need to punish ourselves. As if we owe it to something or someone else to feel miserable for something now out of our control.
Back when accepting fretful feelings was easier than moving forward, it was an oft occurrence to be unhappy with myself. I've largely removed these negative personal attacks from my thoughts. Yesterday was a reminder of the debilitating nature of these attacks.
A reminder that I must be easier on myself, or these attacks I create may become self-fulfilling prophecies.
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